


The Single Greatest Dangan Ronpa Fanfiction/Joke Ever Written In The History Of Ever

by SylverLining



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Bad Puns, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-22
Updated: 2013-10-22
Packaged: 2017-12-30 03:07:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1013352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylverLining/pseuds/SylverLining
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I can't tell anything without spoiling the punchline... but rest assured, you're going to absolutely HATE me by the time it's over. Puns of this caliber are an art form.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Single Greatest Dangan Ronpa Fanfiction/Joke Ever Written In The History Of Ever

"Naegi-chi! Naegi-chi!"

"What is it?" Naegi sighed with an air of docile resignation, without turning around.

"I just predicted something! Something amazing!"

"Something  _good_  in the future?” Naegi’s brow furrowed; he was always skeptical of Hagakure’s revelations, but he seemed genuinely excited this time.

"No! The past!"

"You predicted something… about the past?"

"Yeah! Predicting the past is a long-historied and glorious tradition, passed down in secret mystery rituals by the Illuminati, but I managed to-"

"Just tell me, please."

"Okay… Okay. So. You remember last year, when i was teaching you my elegant penmanship? And we were practicing our gorgeous signatures on all the paper I had?" 

"Yeah…?"

"And remember how you accidentally signed that marriage license I had lying around?"

"Yeah -  _why_  did you have that again?”

"I’m an ordained minister, remember? Joining two or more souls together in sacred matrimony is one of the greatest joys in the universe! Plus it pays really well too."

"That doesn’t explain why  _your_  name was already on it.”

"Anyway! So, so you remember how Fukawa had that crazy-awful allergy attack, so bad she had to walk around with wet cotton over her eyes? And couldn’t stop sneezing?"

"Yeah. That… really wasn’t fun."

"And then, how she barged in on us and was so whacked out of her gourd that she stumbled around and cut up all our paper and beautiful writing with her scissors?"

"Yes?" Naegi was growing a little weary, and wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know where all this was going - but he’d come this far.

"And then she staggered out cackling, and I dunno where she went or where she was before, but she was just gone? Right? Yeah?  _Right?”_

Hagakure fell silent, breathing hard and grinning at Naegi with a glint in his eye that bordered on a mania. Naegi waited, but he didn’t continue.

"So, what’s-"

“ _My prediction,”_  Hagakure interrupted grandly - apparently he’d been waiting for Naegi to ask precisely so he could do so. “My prediction is…” 

“ _What is it?_ Tell me, now you have to tell me!” Now Naegi couldn’t stand it, he had to know.

**_"That we would have been married a long time ago… if it hadn’t been for Cotton-Eyed_   _Syo._ ”** _  
_

A long moment of perfect, unbroken silence stretched between them.

"Where did she come from, where did she-"

“ _God fucking dammit, Hagakure.”_

 _“_ Woah! You swore! I’ve never heard you-“

"No!  _No!_  You’ve got that - you’ve got that  _so wrong! So wrong!”_  Naegi stomped away, only turning around once before turning a corner to point at Hagakure and shake his head. “ _So wrong!”_  And then he was gone, leaving a confused but clearly virtuoso fortune teller behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> Get it? GET IT? EHH? EEEEEEEEEEHHH? :D


End file.
